Metal Meredith

Headed to see Madonna tonight in Atlanta. More to come tomorrow.

Yesterday, my father posted a blog entry about two flights he has recently taken. The gist, should you not want to go read, is that both times he ended up next to a person of considerable girth or an “exaggerated human” as he puts it.

As I posted a few days ago, I am headed to Atlanta shortly. Against my better judgment, I have decided to fly. I don’t like to fly. I get motion sickness which feature a lovely trio of nausea, dizziness and headaches that lasts until I am able to stand on solid ground again. I am uncomfortable on flights and have been both as a child and as a “Amazon Goddess”. I have been dreading this flight since before I booked it, as I do every one I take. Up until yesterday, I had myself convinced that I was going to be fine, I was sure that I would be seated next to an open seat, the flight wasn’t full so I had less to worry about, etc. But sadly, after reading this post yesterday, all of my fears would rise to the top again, not unlike bile in my throat.

People, I am fat. By all accounts I am morbidly obese. I do not make excuses for my weight. I am fat because I eat too much and do not exercise enough. I am not on a diet but I do not eat ice cream for every meal.

When I read my father’s account of his plane rides, I sympathized with these “deer sized” people that he wrote about. I know that when they booked their flights, when they drove to the airport, walked to the gate and boarded the plane, they were as worried to sit next to my father as he was when he saw them approaching. I know that they read his face, trying to ignore the ‘oh shit’ look that people think they are covering up. And by making small talk about being “packed on this one”, this woman was speaking code for “Look, we both know I am fat but there is little I can do about it in this present moment. Please just be a decent human yourself and accept my veiled apology for intruding on your space. I don’t want to be here, either.”

I lived a life where both of my parents slimmed down when I was in my early teens. After that point, it was not unusual to hear “Looks like that guy had one too many trips to the buffet!” and “We better hurry up before the food is all gone!” when seeing a large person in a restaurant. I worked for a woman who had a snide thing to say about every person that came into her store who was overweight. I quit her store in 1990 and have yet to go back to visit her. I know what the comments will be when I leave, no matter how nice it would be to catch up. This name calling has followed me all of my life, even if it has rarely been pointed at me.

While I don’t think that fat people deserve your pity or any special treatment for something that they are totally responsible for, I disagree with the hurt that comes from these easy judgments. While my flaws are on the outside, easy to see and easy to size up, does it make it any worse than the ones that others can hide?

If you know me at all, you know that I am not a fan of the outdoors. I do not enjoy heat or glaring sun or humidity. I am not fan of the ocean or the sand it sits upon. Now that I sound like the most boring person on the planet, you will understand why my husband decided to take Vivienne on a weekend beach vacation this year. (Add in the Henry factor and I would be downright miserable. There is a very good chance that he will be as annoyed with heat and sun as I am.)

Last Thursday, the Dynamic Duo set out on a 4 hours drive to Nags Head, NC to stay with some friends. They stayed 2 full days and 2 full nights. Vivienne had a blast. She swam in the ocean, in the pool, played mini-golf, went on a fishing pier, played skee-ball (in the middle of the night!! - 9 P.M.), ate lots of ice cream and hot dogs, played in the sand, watched fireworks and trick kites, and didn’t miss me one bit.

In fact, when I asked her if she was ready to come home, she said “Not really.” When I told her Henry missed her and wanted someone to play with, she answered “Maybe you should call someone over for a playdate?” And when I told her I missed her and wanted to hug her, she reluctantly said o.k. and agreed to come home with Phil. Somehow, my mommy-addicted little girl that wouldn’t leave my side more than a month ago was nowhere to be found when sand and water are present. 

1. I hate to fly.

2. In Phil’s words, “The whole city looks like it needs a good power washing”.

3. I wish I had more time to spend here, and much more money.

4. I hardly miss my kids today.

5. Phil is almost sleeping on the bed right now as I am feeding my computer addiction.

6. All I want to do here is eat.

7. It is pretty cold and eve snowed a little bit.

8. Phil wants me to walk the 8 blocks to the theater tonight.

9. It will be 25 tonight and windy when we have to walk home.

10. I think he is nuts.

11. I am so excited to go see this play!