Metal Meredith

I have been doing some reminiscing about Vivienne as a baby lately. Sometimes it is because I want to remember her from when she was the size of Henry. Mostly, I want to remember the time when she smiled more than scowled, was sweet and cute not rude and prickly and was generally a much nicer kid. (Hopefully 4 will be better than 3):

Vivienne:
Henry:

Vivienne:
Henry:

I can hardly believe that today I am the mother of 2 kids. Had you told me 5 years ago, I knew I wanted children but really had no idea what I was getting myself in to.

Phil was nice enough to print me out 141 photos as my gift. We keep all of our photos on computers, so to have prints is a luxury we don’t typically allow ourselves.

As we were looking through them, I saw this photo:

This is a photo of the day after I had Henry. I was just starting to feel the various pain killers wearing off. I was just starting to let it sink in that I had a new kid to take care of. I was just starting to love him.

This one is not so hot:

Vivienne was a far more scary experience, just because I had no idea what I was going to do with this little person. I was so proud of myself for getting her out of me. Now what?

The thing is that although both of these pictures are me without makeup, after a long day in a hospital, I still think these are the most natural pictures of me that I have. I can’t help but wonder why women take a make up case to the hospital in order to ‘look better’ in photos after the birth. My face is broken out, my hair is dirty, I am extremely tired and just running on adrenaline mixed with fear and excitement.

I was telling Phil last night, as it hit me like a tidal wave, these have to be the most natural that a woman can be. These are the most emotionally open I have ever been on film.

This is me, as a mom. 

...slept 12 hours straight last night. I am not a religious person, but HALLELUJAH!

I am not sure how this happened, but he truly is the cutest child on the planet. He makes my whole world smile on a daily basis. In the morning, even after waking up 2 or 3 times that night, screaming in my ears when I am half awake, pulling my hair with his flailing hands, he always manages to win me over in a matter of seconds. I walk in, he turns his head and in one sideways look, I am smiling.

I don’t remember Vivienne being this sweet or precious. Of course, there were many other factors going on then. I was trying to work from home and take care of her at the same time. I was suffering from a pretty bad bought of post partum depression but hadn’t quite realized it yet. She would screech ad cry when you placed her in the carseat. Traveling made my blood pressure rise so much I stopped going out altogether if I had to take her along. It was a good 6 months before I started taking Zoloft and felt normal again. I actually remember her being cute around 6 months. Before that, I was too hard on myself and her to enjoy it.

But Henry, he is a peach. I wanted to enjoy this experience fully, seeing as it is obvious we won’t have another. I started on Zoloft 6 weeks after giving birth to ward off any possible depression. I simply didn’t want to take the chance. We can go out and do pretty regularly. Vivienne is helpful for the most part which makes this time a bit easier, even if I have another child to take care of.

Henry likes to smile and talk. He has giggled a few times, but his happiness is evident without it. He turns his head, looks up at you from the corner of his eye and gives a wide, sideways grin. He is such a flirt. He somehow manages to look surprised when you walk over to him, as if to say “Hey! Its you! I like you!”

I haven’t written a lot about him because there isn’t much more to say. For those with kids, you know the milestones that he is hitting; clutching something in a fist, kicking things with his foot, recognizing faces and sounds. Looking around and scooting on his back. Those things thrill me but aren’t such a big deal to those without kids. Phil and I clapped and laughed ourselves silly when he first made a giggle sound. Vivienne was startled and didn’t understand the fun of it all.

But here are some recent photos. He is a huge boy, weighing in at 15lbs at his last doctor visit. We have another in a week, so I can only imagine he is 17-18 now, if not more. In fact, we just started him in size 3 diapers, which are for 6 month old babies...good grief.