Metal Meredith

Yep. It is a whole post about my boobs. I would call them breasts, but that makes me uncomfortable. Not sure why, it just makes them seem so fancy.

Last week I shared these 11 sentences about my boobs to my good friends on the SNDM message board:

1. I love my boobs.

2. Even though they become flat and oblong when I don’t have a bra on.

3. When I do have a bra on, WATCH OUT.

4. They are high and proud, round and luscious.

5. I keep looking down at them.

6. It isn’t hard to figure out why boys like them.

7. Even gay men like them.

8. I used to get hugs from everyone because of them and I was ok with that.

9. Most people that meet me have met them.

10. I am not shy about the low cut shirts.

11. I have now completed 11 sentences about my boobs.

Wasn’t that special? Now, later that night I was in the bathroom with Vivienne while she was brushing her teeth. She was, as is the norm, trying to poke, punch or smack my chest even though I often tell her that they are a ‘private part’ that isn’t for anyone to touch but me. So she grabbed her own chest and said “Fine, I will grab my own boobies.” Then, after laying a flat hand on her tiny 4 year old chest, she proclaimed “But Mom, my boobies aren’t long like yours.”

Long. Yep, long is the word she used to describe them. Not big or huge or squishy, but long. Luckily, I am a realist and know that to be true. Thanks genetics!

Hi Me,

Please don’t be mad. I know you had big plans, didn’t you? Well, I tried, I really did. There are a few things I need to explain and I thought it best to write it all out. The 35 year old me thinks it is all cool, but I know you have got to be pissed so I want you to hear it from me.

On Friday night, I went to play Bunco with 11 other women from Vivienne’s preschool. I am sure you have no idea what I am talking about so here it goes. Remember when Mom would play Bridge with her friends? And they would all come over and sit with glasses of wine around those wood and beige vinyl folding tables with little wooden bowls of snacks on each one? Remember that it was mostly gossip and laughing and you never understood why it was fun? Well, it was so like that that I was a little nervous myself.

As I looked around I noticed that the women did have glasses of wine or a beer. There were bowls of snacks at each table. We all had green plastic beads on and a score card with own name and a little leprechaun sticker. As you could tell, I was a little scared. And don’t tell me you don’t know all of this because I could hear you giggling and guffawing at intervals throughout the night. The very scary part was that I did have a good time and I might even go back the next time I am invited. So there. Neener neener.

Let me tell you the best part before you keep judging. Even if I gave you the choice, you wouldn’t change a thing. Trust me. It is all good. Plus, look how long it takes us to figure out that playing games with church women isn’t all that bad! Now, it’s 12:15pm on a Sunday, please get out of bed. Are you going to sleep this whole day away??

Love,
Me

Me with some band:

Me with my first boyfriend and Mark Slaughter:

Ugh. I hate resolutions, but I decided to take things month by month.

Month one: No shopping. I will not buy things I don’t need or anything that doesn’t fall under food or necessities. Already I have perused the Old Navy website and two different specialty kids site I have seen. Each time, I found things I liked and had to remind myself that I am not buying, I am looking for fun. Argh.

I have a few things to sell on Craigslist, a few things to return from Christmas (things I bought, not received) and a few things that can hold off a while that I do want but don’t need. Maybe I could be in the black instead of red by the end of the month?

I must have been concentrating on this hard last night, as I had a dream that I was attempting to catch or save some animals. I allowed to escape a bobcat and another animal from cages, that turned out to be a pet store. When the cost was tallied, I owed $10,000. I handed over my Amex and thought to myself “How in the hell will I explain this to Phil?” Then I woke up.

So, yeah, I must be having a hard time committing to this resolution. 

I know everyone says this, but this year has just flown by. I seriously think that I could recall every single day if I wanted to try that hard.

This time last year, I was 120% miserable. My mother had taken Vivienne for 2 days so I could get a few days of sleep. I was almost ready to have Henry and get on with it. In fact, I had posted an eviction notice to him on January 1st.

I have few resolutions this year. My main and most enthusiastic one being to ‘declutter’ and reduce what we have. In fact, I started about two weeks ago.

I broke the news to Phil today that I will be having the house cleansed in the next few weeks. He thinks I am a nutjob, but we all know that, right? I got the idea from Stacey, who says she feels so much better now that all the bad juju is gone from her house.

So that is all my news. I can’t say good riddance to 2007, because that sweet baby of mine was born this year. I can, however, be thankful that we will get a damn tax exemption this year because of him. It is about time.

Stay safe. Be loved and love someone else. Take care and we will see you in 2008.