Metal Meredith

We have been spoiled and spoiled some more at Christmas every year that my sister and I can remember. If it wasn’t my parents who were going overboard, it was my grandparents. We are really lucky that way. When discussing the past Christmases with my sister last night, I realized that there are only a handful of gifts I can recall in the 35 years of Christmases that I remember.

I can tell you events at most, people at most and even some things my sister got. However, I can’t remember but a handful of the gifts I received over the years.

This Christmas, Phil and I tried to keep our immediate family low key. Santa brought only a few things and Phil and I did pretty good limiting our gifts to more manageable amounts.

Before the kids got up, I spent a few minutes alone downstairs. This is how it looked:

By the time my Mom came and unloaded their cars (yes, they brought two cars and yes, it took 3 people 6 trips to get it all inside), it looked like this:

See what I mean? It is a bit ridiculous. My mom likes to add to the silliness by saying “What?” every time you point out how she went overboard. It is not 8pm and everyone is gone. Oh, how I am looking forward to a day alone with just us 4 tomorrow. We had a great time with all of the family. However, the house is still full of crap and looks just like this:

It is blurry but you get the gist.

Merry Christmas everyone!

We are not big on the “Christmas threw up in my yard” look. We have a demure and simple strand of muliti-color (LED) lights draped across our roof line. We have a wreath on the front door with a bow. That’s about it.

*Not in our yard*

Phil likes to remind me that sticking a plastic bag on your front lawn and plugging a fan into it, no matter what its shape once inflated, isn’t a talent. I have requested a few other simple things like one lighted tree in the yard or one snowflake hanging on the house. We always say we will pick something up after the holidays when it goes on sale, but we never do. Who wants to shop for all of that crap when you just want to put it away for 11 months?

I came across this site today which made me laugh out loud a few times. They give citations to houses that over decorate or decorate with little or no thought beforehand. My favorite is “Intermingling” where people add Santa into their twinkling Nativity Scene or a “Multiple Clauses Violation” when they have placed 5 Santas of different sizes and shapes on the lawn.

We always enjoy going to see the lights, driving by while Vivienne screams loudly about what she sees and Phil and I sit in awe over all of the crap these people pull out each year. Good for them! We won’t be on the Tacky Lights Tour for years and years to come. 

Dear Vivienne,
No, I don’t want to look at you for the 40th time in an hour to see you doing the same thing you have done before. Stop asking.

No, I don’t want to pretend that I can’t see you, unless you can make that happen. I don’t want to pretend that I am a dog, that you are a balloon, that your brother is my pet, that you are a giant or a waitress, cook, seahorse, butler, hippo, or piece of furniture.

I don’t think you need 5 snacks in one day. I can’t figure out what you might want to do either and I am not up to play the game where I tell you what to do and you tell me each one is ‘so boring’. I don’t think Daddy wants me to call him at work just to tell him that you want him to come home.

Most of all, I wish today was a school day just as much, if not very much more, than you do. Trust me, if I had the choice, those teachers of yours would have 2 days off for Christmas and New Year’s and take care of you the rest of the time. But, they didn’t give me that option.

Please make this the worst day of your entire 3 weeks off. This is day 1 the vacation. I have calculated that minus holidays and weekends, there are 8 days that we three must be alone. We are 5.25 hours into it. Take it easy on me. 

I don’t look forward to Christmas decorations. For the past 5 years, it has been a chore to get the tree up.

I remember while pregnant with Vivienne, Phil and Ronni planned to get me out of the house so Phil could put the tree up and surprise me. I wasn’t about to take that on feeling as bad as I did.

The next year, when Vivienne was 6 months old and I bought a mini red foil tree and put it up long enough to fake Christmas photos for my family (sorry Mom). She was too young to care and I was in the midst of discovering my Post Partum Depression. I was in no mood to decorate.

The year after was the first ‘fun’ one with Vivienne. She was really excited about the holiday so we did the whole tree thing. But my lovely white Christmas tree was found yellowed and sad in its box. I made up for it by donating it to a woman who had Down’s syndrome and finally was living in her first apartment. She loved Elvis so I gave her the tree and the lights and she had her own ‘Blue Christmas”. Then we bought the one we have now. The plain, green, fake tree.

The next year we were in our new house but it still felt like we had just moved in. The most it seems I have done in the past years consistently was the tree and the stockings. Vivienne was in full swing that year and it was a joy just to enjoy her.

Last year, I was about to pop with Henry. I wasn’t in a nice place but still managed to set up the tree and have a decorating party with Vivienne. She loved every moment of it and was really proud of her ability to decorate.

This year, I had a grand idea that I wanted new stockings. I had a vision in mind about what they looked like, a cross between a Nordic wool and a Dr Suess sock. I found them. 

Aren’t they nice? I thought they were perfect. And then they arrived in the mail:

Um, do you think they make the fireplace look small?