Metal Meredith

Simply Doesn’t Exist

When I was little, I was under the impression that people just gave you stuff. That was the definition of a gift, right? It was your birthday and your family and friends guessed what you might like and got it for you. Some good, some not-so-much.

Who doesn’t have a childhood memory of tearing open paper and biting through tape to get the box open only to be faced with a sweater made from the world’s itchiest fabric? On the other hand, I remember getting this panda for Christmas one year. I never knew I wanted a panda! But I loved that thing and still think of it often. It had pose-able arms and legs and was so darn cute. Once, I left it too close to the heater and some of the fur turned this rust color. It was one of my favorite childhood toys.

Somewhere around my teen years, my parents started asking for a list of what my sister and I wanted. We would sit for hours making lists of what we wanted, clothes, make-up, music, electronics, shoes, jewelry, posters, room decorations and many other random things. Sometimes, in desperation to not forget anything, I would spend hours in front of the TV watching for commercials of things I forgot to add.

It was never a disappointment to open a box and see something you put on the list. Better getting what you wanted rather than another itchy sweater, right? Suddenly, this became the only way we gave presents in my family.

I am here to announce that I don’t think that embodies the spirit of gift giving. I will most likely piss a few family members off by doing this, but I am hoping not. My sister called me recently and told me I was the hardest person to buy gifts for, Phil being a close second. Funnily enough, I don’t think I am.

In my humble opinion, gifts are presents you buy for someone that YOU want to give THEM. The only break in this rule is wedding registries and baby showers. Of course, I am not one to follow those either. Just ask Ronni if she is enjoying her pink Vespa light that certainly was not on her registry…..haha!

I feel like good gifts are something you have to work for. It requires the given to pay attention, listen and think ahead. Keep a list of what people say they need, mention they want, discuss liking at the moment, show curiosity for. If you don’t have the advantage of these things, then the burden is off you to find the perfect gift. Instead, find something that you would like to give.

Oh, and if anyone ever tells you that the gift you gave them stinks, then I think your giving spirit would be more appreciated elsewhere. No one should waste time on being underappreciated.

On that note, happy buying!

Meredith

PS. I got my hair cut last week and the guy made me look like a muppet. I took photos to share in my gigglefest. Anyone else would have melted into a pile of tears. Not me, I laughed and took photos!

The Tradition Continues

I told my mom I would rather write my list of three things instead of just listing them. It�s easy to come up with three things. Never was there the �Most Thankful� things or the �Top three (letterman style) things you were thankful for�. It was just, simply Three Things you are thankful for.

Posing this to anyone who is unimaginative, overly sentimental or lazy, you will get the three most typical; health, family, food/shelter (time running a close 4th, but no one thinks of this too often). Much like last year, I will not bore you with those three. Anyone who has them and isn�t thankful for them is kind of a goober. Anyway, it is just no fun. It would like me being thankful for air and water.

I will start my list with the politically correct thing. I am thankful for my Freedom. This year, as in any where we have an election of some sort, I start realizing that my one voice can make a difference. After learning more about what women did to gain the right to vote, I can tell you that I will never miss my chance to have my vote counted again. This, of course, goes hand in hand with my freedom to say what I want (which I do often), have rights over my own body and medical care (which I will continue to fight for) and right to marry who I want (which I will continue to fight for in an effort to include all humans.) I love to know that even if my candidate doesn�t win, I tried. I made an effort and stood up to be counted.

For those that don�t use this, you have been warned that I will be riding you from now on.

Secondly, I am thankful for the chance to share my favorite experience ever with my two closest friends. Kym and I took a weekend off not long ago and went to see my favorite band. Ronni and I will be doing the same thing in the next two weeks. Both of these women have been in my life for over 10 years now. Sometimes we talk daily, sometimes not for months. Never in all that time did I worry that we wouldn�t speak again, that our friendship would suffer. Kym knew me long before I was a fianc�, wife and mother. Ronni has known me since I met Phil, but has been closer to me than most people in those 9 years.

They know me better than most. They have known me skinny and fat, long hair and short, pre-tattoos and all-black-clothing. We are all married now. We all have different jobs, lives and goals. They keep me sane, make me happy and accommodate my life with a child even though they have none of their own. But most of all, they listen, they don�t judge and they genuinely want to share their life with me.

Third but not least, I am thankful for Phil. I know, I know, I said no family. But let me explain. Phil and I will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary in January. But to me, it seems like forever (sometimes in a good way, other not-so-much.) Over this past year, Phil has created his own company. He has come into his own as a father of a 2 year old that thinks he is the greatest giant toy in the world. He makes all the money, some times more than others, yet has never told me so. He works all week, but never complains. He makes me ice cream, buys me fire logs and comes up to bed with me at night just to help me get the bed just right.

Listening to other women and couples talk about their spouses, I know I am so fortunate to like him as much as I do, in addition to loving him. He has been really patient while I go through my most recent 14 year old crush on a rock star. He is thoughtful when it counts, he is attentive when I need him. He listens when it is important and occasionally, even when its not. I like him a lot and don�t have enough words to say how thankful I am for him.

In addition to these big things, I thought I might make another list of all the other important things, albeit, not as dramatic:

Air Conditioning
Hair Dye
Ice Cream
Baby Cribs
Dishwasher
iPod Mini
Mascara
Vivienne�s Blanket
Noggin
Arrested Development and Lost
Ikea
Old Navy Lounge Pants
Fuzzy Slippers
NPR
Preschool
French Fries

Or Vivienne’s First Birthday Party

This weekend was Vivienne’s first birthday party. Not for her first year, but the only one she has ever attended. It was what some people would call “enlightening”. Lily is Cristina’s daughter, Cristina who will be sharing space with Phil in the new year in a place I like to call the “Scott’s Addition Creative Group.” Lily turned 3 this weekend.

I have enjoyed about 6 months of reading the blog about her life, including that of her 1 yr old little sister and big-wig law firm dad. It seems that although we are not just alike, Cristina shares the same love/hate, guilt ridden joy of motherhood that I do. In some inexplicable way, it is refreshing. I was pleased to finally get to meet her this weekend, even amidst the horror of tumbling, tossing and flying toddlers.

Cristina, for all of her disdain with uppity uber-moms and scarily cheery Romp-and-Roll employees, had a good time watching her daughter be the center of the universe for an hour. After the first hour rolled around, they turned down the lights, turned on the disco ball and bubble maker and had a mini-low attention span theater dance party for the kids. Vivienne, in all her glory, stood still and watched it all unfold. No movement, no dancing, nothing. She just stared at the ball and bubbles and other kids. I leaned over and asked Phil, “Why is our kid just sitting on the sidelines?”

Phil says “Because that’s what her parents’ do.” OUCH.

It was apparent. Phil and I only wished that Vivienne was a little less like us and a little more adventurous and less wall flower like her parents. In the end, we were all a bit overwhelmed.
It is too early for me to swear off parties in Vivienne’s honor forever. But I hope to delay it as long as I can. Cristina had the right idea though. If you must invite 20 kids over for a party, best not to have it in your own home. (Especially when rotten guests give your child noisy, rock star gifts – sorry!)

or ‘It is about time’

Last week, I came down with a little “back end” sickness. When my mother called, I was unable to answer the phone. So I called her back shortly after. I told her that I didn’t feel well. Her only question to me was, “Are you pregnant?”

I had a feeling that the questions would start soon, but I had no idea it would be so blatant. Truthfully? I am not feeling ‘it’ when considering having another child. In my fantasy life, the one where all of my bills are paid and I am thin, I have 4 or 5 kids. Of course, there are also magical nannies that never get on my nerves but always keep my kids happy while I blissfully fulfill all my greatest dreams never once feeling the guilt of motherhood.

But in truth, I write this as Vivienne is on hour two of television for the day, standing and fidgeting on my foot, leaning on my arm annoyingly while I try to type this. I am so bored of this job. It is not something I take lightly or I expect anyone who isn’t in the same position to understand or sympathize with. However, it causes me to question on a daily basis whether or not I am cut out for this.

I can describe it in many ways, but the easiest is to compare it to having an irrational, uncompromising, tantrum-prone boss who doesn’t value you at all. Then, add to this job the incredible hours of 7am to 9pm with side work and closing chores each day. Doesn’t that sound like a ball? If you factor in the reality that you CANNOT quit this job, it starts to feel more like suffocating than living.

I realize this sounds harsh. I also realize that I am not factoring the joys. Some days they are too many to count, others they are well hidden and require the skills of the most capable tracker to hunt down. Vivienne is darn lucky we discovered that ponytails made her so darn cute this weekend, as it was her only saving grace. (For anyone who doesn’t know me, I don’t feel the need to tell you how much I love my child. It should be plainly obvious by reading any previous posts.)

While working out if and when we would consider having #2, I started having second thoughts about wanting to go through this again at all. These haven’t been an easy two years. After shaking the post partum depression on month 5 of Vivienne’s life, I had the other factors of losing my job, being a full time at home mom, and Phil starting his own business. I am unsure if these are adding to it, but I can’t ignore that they are there. 

I have friends who are on child #3 and they want more, my two closest friends aren’t going to have any. I am truthfully falling somewhere in the middle. I don’t want to leave Vivienne hanging when it comes to having a brother or sister, but it seems that I am just not interested in doing this again. In the end, we might have to take the ‘wait and see’ approach. Let nature take its course and whatever happens will happen.

This will not be a popular choice with the Grandparents, I am sure my mother is sitting with mouth agape at this very moment. Hopefully, in the next year Vivienne will turn into a little angel and change my mind. Don’t hold your breath though, I certainly am not.