Metal Meredith

*Kym and Teresa*

She really is one cool chick. With the exception that she can’t seem to upload a photo onto her computer to send out or the fact that she can’t seem to write an email to her friend of 20-some-odd-years and let her know how her new son is. But it’s all good. You know why?

She does awesome stuff like sign up for the bone marrow registry and walk for multiple sclerosis.

I just got an email from her that states the following:

I’ll be taking part in 2008 Walk MS on Saturday April 26th. One of my best friends was diagnosed with MS just over a year ago so this is a cause close to my heart.  Please consider donating to this charity by clicking on the below link or bringing me a check made out to National MS Society. It is a tax deductible donation.

If you would like more information about the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, how proceeds from the MS Walk are used, or the other ways you can get involved in the fight against MS, please visit www.nationalmssociety.org.

Please consider popping on over and making even a small donation. I gave $50 but that is mostly because she is my bestest friend and Teresa is bitchen and has a great butt. See? How can you NOT?

PS. I also need to add two more events that I am donating to. Dana is participating in the Relay for Life. She is a cancer survivor (GO HER!) and an inspiration to me.

Carrie is going the March of Dimes walk in memory of her daughter, Samantha, that died at 10 weeks old.

Please consider donating to these as well!

My friend Kym and I have been friends since 1990, when she and her friend Heidi would make the 2 hour journey down I-95 with their favorite local band. I found said ‘local band’ while recovering from my first real break up and loved their goofy hair metal style.

It did not take long for Kym and I to share astronomical phone bills that our parents rallied against. We immediately went to pen and paper. On weekends, one of us would drive to the other’s house, 2 hours away. We would spend a night and then quickly pop home. We stayed friends since, having never lived closer. In fact, Kym moved across the darn country a few years ago. I still haven’t forgiven her. Our once a week meeting, that dwindled down to once every few months, now is once a year.

*Me, Ed from Barenaked Ladies and Kym - Mid 1990s*

Kym called me in April to tell me that she got all knocked up. I had been hoping for quite a while but never really said anything as it seemed to be an internal struggle for both her and her husband as to whether or not they had kids. Of course, I voted for yes because they were so on the fence. If I thought they said no and really meant it, I would have never given it a thought (notice how I don’t bother you...you know who you are!). But, I never got the 100% from her.

This weekend, I went to her baby shower. As strange as it must have been for my old friends and some family to see my pregnant, it was just as strange to see a longtime friend all thick with baby. She wears it well. So well, in fact, that I will fully admit she is having one of those radiant and carefree pregnancies. Both her husband, Don and her seem excited and anxious, a wonderful way for every almost new parent to be.

*Don, the Stud, and Kym, the Round*

I am nervous for her, excited and elated, proud and encouraging. I just wish so badly that I lived down the street and not 8 hours of highway apart from them. I miss my friend.

I am going to start blocking calls from my friend Chris. He seems to be the delivery boy for sad news more than I care to recognize. The last time he called me with this kind of information, we lost the Harveys on New Year’s Day 2006. This time, it wasn’t someone I knew, more like knew of. Of course, everyone seemed to know Patrick.

Patrick Power was never a friend of mine and I am sure we only said 10 words to each other in our whole lives. At the time, I was convinced that he was another infamous face in Richmond with an ego the size of a blimp and trail of faithful scenester followers nipping at his heels. He died tragically last week and left behind a wife and a 5 month old son. I was pretty detached when Chris told me what happened and relayed the story (or rumors) as he heard them. I felt a loss for Richmond and for all of the people he seemed so close with, those minions that did his bidding will be crushed.

But after a while I started to get curious about the man that I was so quick to dismiss as another Richmond jerk-off. I spent a few hours looking at people’s dedications on websites and blogs, gazing at each of the photos and soon found myself crying. What a wonderful person he seemed to be. From what I have read and the few times I was in his presence, it was obvious that he fully lived each day. There is entry after entry of people who felt accepted and joyful around him, people who say that he added something to their life that they cannot name.

I have been in a funk for the last 3 days after hearing about his death. Mostly because it seems such a waste for someone who people loved and thought of and remembered and who touched so many to just give up. I will fully admit that I know nothing of the circumstances of his death, but I am haunted by the loss of Patrick III’s chance to know this amazing person. Will he ever know that his dad was the King of Richmond for a good solid decade? Will he ever get a chance to meet the people first hand who his dad had such an influence on?

I know this isn’t about me, and I am fully aware that I mourn so much less that those who he was a part of. I am grieving selfishly because I never gave him a chance. I couldn’t stop my own self-esteem issues long enough to let down my guard and try. Today, I feel that loss in a person that was obviously such a friend to many, that I didn’t allow to be a friend to me. I am still struggling with this fact after 35 years on this earth. Patrick appeared to not have this in him. He was likable, sincere and full of chutzpah. I vowed on Thursday night to let this be a lesson to me.

My heart goes out to his family and friends. I know that between Virginia and New York, there is a dark gully that no one will fill. Those shoes are just too big for the average person.

SNDM Weblog

I am so very pleased to be able to bring this new blog to you. After all, I have been wanting to share this group of people with everyone for quite a while. For anyone who has heard me tell stories and reference them to my ‘Mom Message Board’ “My online friends”, then you will be pleased to learn that they are all real people. I wasn’t making them up, they are not invisible.

Please stop by and take a read. Sit and hang out a while. Leave comments on the posts. I know we will all be thrilled to have a new audience for our stories, ideas and advice.

http://sndm.net

In late 2002, I found out I was expecting my first child. I was terrified and overjoyed, but mostly terrified. So I did what any internet addict would do, I searched all over to find out information.

In doing so, I stumbled upon BabyCenter’s birth month section. Each month and year has its own message board. New mothers and mothers-to-be all join these boards looking for comfort, ideas, friendship, help and laughter. Mostly, they are looking for someone to share the pregnancy with that is going through exactly what they are.

I logged on to the June 2003 section in December of 2002. Mostly, I just read posts and laughed. I picked out the people I identified with and the ones I was scared of. I was addicted to it and read it all day long in between emails and phone calls at work. It wasn’t long before I started posting, made a few friends and was in on all the inside jokes.

After we all had our babies, we started getting closer. We had online chat times when up to 20 of us would do instant chat on the site and our personalities really started shining through. Then, all hell broke loose.

The problem with the internet is almost the same as the advantage; one can remain as nameless and distant as possible without feeling the real-life rudeness and discomfort of others. Along with this distance comes the real possibility of hurt feelings, people stirring up crap with others and being downright mean.

One of the members decided to branch out and create a place where the only initial rule was ‘respect each other’. Soon, we grew to 60 people and she gave us the name “So Not Drama Mammas”.

Since that time, I have spent 2 years getting to know many women that I would have never taken the time to speak to in person. In this situation, I was allowed to ‘listen’ to others opinions, voices and experiences without having to offer up feedback. I was able to share my experiences, as little or as much detail as I wanted, without worrying about someone being hurtful. We all felt safe.

I can honestly say that I have grown as a human in the past two years because of the friendships I have made with the SNDMs. I enjoy these women so much that I wanted to offer a space for all of them to share their voices with the world. So, I asked Phil (my wonderful web designer husband), to help me make this site.

Hopefully, as more people read and see this version of the SNDMs, they will also come to appreciate the universality of motherhood, love and family.