Thursday, February 23, 2006
Grandmothers Know It All
I Hope My Mom Doesn’t Act Like This
I was at the Pediatrician’s office on Tuesday with Vivienne when this teeny little girl toddled right up and said hello. She was about a year old and had these little tiny earrings on. I was holding Vivienne who said “Ooooh, what pretty earrings!”
The grandmother of the girl heard this and said “Don’t you have your ears pierced?” and looked right at Vivienne. I smiled and said no. She then gave me a little lecture on how important it is to get done early because there is less risk of problems and complications. I nodded politely and smiled. I am not getting Vivienne’s ears pierced until she is old enough to take care of the piercings herself. The last thing I want to do is change a diaper and then wipe a new wound with alcohol while twisting the earring so the skin doesn’t stick to it. Good lord, I don’t even have my ears pierced anymore, so all of these facts I kept to myself. The grandmother gave me a sad look, as if to say “That poor poor baby girl. She will never be as pretty as my baby grandchild.”.
Next, she asked how old Vivienne was and then said “She still isn’t in diapers, is she?” Posing a question like this is like asking someone “Did you mean to get your hair cut like that?” There just isn’t a very good way to answer it and immediately puts me on the defensive.
“She is two. She is still in diapers. We just aren’t ready, yet,” I said, kicking myself for giving her even a tiny explanation. Right after, she started telling me that this was her 3rd grandchild and she hoped her last. She was supposed to retire last year and then this one came along. She thinks her daughter planned it this way. She is tired, she means dead tired. She should be relaxing and spoiling herself, not her children’s children. Honestly. And those strollers are heavy. She keeps the small ones in her trunk so she doesn’t have to deal with the big ones.
Then, like a pardon from the president, the door opened and they called Vivienne’s name to go into the exam room. We smiled and walked back. In the room, I thanked my lucky stars that Vivienne’s grandmothers aren’t forced to take care of her. Any time they spend with her is because they want to. I suppose I was brought up to think that any time spent with grandparents is bonus time. So one who doesn’t feel the same just threw me for a giant, spinning loop.
(0) 
Comments & Trackbacks
Sounds like something my mother would say. Good times.
What an incredibly rude woman! There just aren’t words for someone like that. Unless they’re “excuse me????” and “None of your business.”
I didn’t arbitrarily pierce Diva Girl’s ears either. In addtion to not wanting the hassle of taking care of them, I didn’t feel it was my right to poke holes in her body without her consent. When she was five we talked about it, but she didn’t get her ears pierced until she was 6. It was an exciting event for her, and will be a lifelong memory of something special she did with mom. Much better than assaulting a 6 mo with a needle gun in my opinion
I swear that they are the worst bunch. While grandfathers are talking about ‘in my day’, grandmothers are telling everyone who will listen about ‘how they did it...and by the way, you are doing it wrong’.
*Disclaimer, I have yet to see this happen on a grand scale with either one of Vivienne’s grandparents...please do not get upset about the ridiculous generalizations!
I didn’t realize that my mother-in-law was visiting Richmond yesterday! Minus the dead tiredness, of course. Mine has adult ADHD. (Seriously.) And her expertise does not land in the area of ear piercing. But the things she knows, she is happy to tell you just as forcefully… including a lovely schpeel about how potty training can scar a child for life and cause him to wet the bed until he’s 30.
We have the same grandparental “visit when you want to” policy. Grandparents should not feel obligated to care for their grandchildren. But of course they are going to volunteer to if asked. I blame the parents for putting them in that position to begin with. And I feel ickily judgmental about how strong my feelings on this subject are.
Coincidentally, Alex and I ran into a grandmother-grandson pair in the waiting room at the pediatrician on Tuesday. She wasn’t doling out advice, but it was plain to see that she was tired, and the kid was wild. He was a little older than Alex, and way more “energetic.” The grandmother was pulling out all the stops to keep the kid entertained. Alex was sitting in a little chair reading a book to himself, and I was reading my casebook. I could feel grandmother staring at us. I can’t figure out if it was to say, “what kind of pill did you give that kid to get him to sit still like that?” or “what kind of mother are you ignoring your child when you could be engaging him with all these lovely developmental toys.” I didn’t make eye contact, so I didn’t have to find out.
Yesterday, at the grocery store, we saw the same grandmother and grandson pair. They were walking out and she snapped at him to hold her hand in a way that made me embarrased for both of them. It’s a big, new grocery store. I was second in line at that point, and she was close enough to the door that he needed to be holding her hand. And yet I heard her words clearly. Sad.
Poor grandmothers. I almost feel sorry for them.