Metal Meredith

(As the fireworks explode above me)

Vivienne is off and running. She was so excited that she almost giggled herself right out of her skin. She happily skipped to the bus stop, she stood quietly and took it all in and grabbed my hand in a death grip when she saw the bus coming. She hopped right on without a second look and off she went.

No tears from anyone. I am elated and proud and excited for her.

For those friends and family, especially the other moms I know, I promise I do have feelings and emotions. I know at this moment, when I am bursting with joy and overflowing with excitement at the prospect of both of my children being in school within the next two weeks, you must think that I am void of any real feelings. But I am not. Promise.

Here is the thing. I just don’t get all weepy over the normal things that I am apparently supposed to. I will fully admit to rolling my eyes at the parents of the kids starting preschool, crying as they dropped their children off. Maybe Vivienne made it easy for me? Her rather uneventful departure and lack of need for me was quite pleasing when she was 2. We didn’t go through a big separation anxiety period with her until, well, this summer. By then, it was annoying and I didn’t care at all. These past few weeks, I have read about parents tearing up at the very thought of the school bus, at their little baby being in a grown up school all day with (gasp!) bigger kids. I smile politely when I talk to parents that ask me “I am so sad. What will I do all day without my baby around? I will be so lonely without him/her.” Then I turn and put my finger down my throat and feign gagging. Sorry, I am a big ol’ meanie like that.

In all honesty, I am so excited for my Vivienne. I am thrilled about what she will learn, the new things she will do, the new skills she will master. Phil and I both were darn right giddy when we went into the art room. We both have fond memories of using all the Tempera paint and paper mache and sculpting clay. Even the smell had me swooning. Then there are the library books, the computers, the triple lines on the paper for big and little letters and those huge pencils. We bought her markers and pencils and a composition book! Compositions! I love that.

Henry is next, so there is still time. Perhaps Henry will cause my motherly instincts to kick in? Will he be the kid that causes me to openly cry as I am leaving him, reaching for me? Who knows if I will fill my eyes with tears the moment I see the bus coming to carry off my first born? Maybe I will sit at home and weep as I think of her in that great big school. I think I will, but it will be from happiness. And I will be sitting, but on the toilet, in a rare moment of peeing alone that I have not had in 5 long years. That, my friends, is what will make the tears flow. 

Tonight, Vivienne’s bed after looking at the book about dinosaurs and fossils and palaeontologists:

Vivienne: When I grow up, I am going to be a Scientist of Everything.

Phil: Really?

Vivienne: Yep, because I know so much.

Help me. Please.

If you know me at all, you know that I am not a fan of the outdoors. I do not enjoy heat or glaring sun or humidity. I am not fan of the ocean or the sand it sits upon. Now that I sound like the most boring person on the planet, you will understand why my husband decided to take Vivienne on a weekend beach vacation this year. (Add in the Henry factor and I would be downright miserable. There is a very good chance that he will be as annoyed with heat and sun as I am.)

Last Thursday, the Dynamic Duo set out on a 4 hours drive to Nags Head, NC to stay with some friends. They stayed 2 full days and 2 full nights. Vivienne had a blast. She swam in the ocean, in the pool, played mini-golf, went on a fishing pier, played skee-ball (in the middle of the night!! - 9 P.M.), ate lots of ice cream and hot dogs, played in the sand, watched fireworks and trick kites, and didn’t miss me one bit.

In fact, when I asked her if she was ready to come home, she said “Not really.” When I told her Henry missed her and wanted someone to play with, she answered “Maybe you should call someone over for a playdate?” And when I told her I missed her and wanted to hug her, she reluctantly said o.k. and agreed to come home with Phil. Somehow, my mommy-addicted little girl that wouldn’t leave my side more than a month ago was nowhere to be found when sand and water are present.